I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
im on a boat
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