I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
