I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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