I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
