wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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