But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
