Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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