How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
