you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
