Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
