Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
