I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
