i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
