went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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