so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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