i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
