You made me cry and you don't even care
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
