escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
