Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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