I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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