there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You made out with two different species that night
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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