I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
