you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
