So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
