Will you blow on my dice?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
