Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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