my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
