Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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