elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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