The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
