I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
