if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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