that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
