the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
