I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
