those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
