So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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