my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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