She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
