It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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