I will die if light touches me.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
