You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
