uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
