Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
