Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
