put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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