2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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