apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
