I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
