I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
