We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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