a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
