Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
